The Keystone Cops Would not be Proud

Op-ed by TheWiseOldFart

When I was a little boy, after school television was hilarious. I watched the original Little Rascals, also known as the Our Gang comedies, Laurel and Hardy, Buster Keaton and other old films including the Keystone Cops and later the Three Stooges.

The Keystone Cops, also the Keystone Kops, were featured in slapstick silent movies only equaled by the Three Stooges. They were the first to make me laugh at their ridiculous antics and no dialogue was needed.

A new troop of Keystone Cops has returned to the public eye, but the format has changed. They do not entertain with physical comedy, but with speech so hilarious I often believe they are serious. Their leader is a fat old man wearing a cheap “rug” on his head. This is the only physical comedy performed by these no-so-funny people. As it blows in the wind, we see the only part of his body which is not orange.

The laughs they gave viewers in the early 1900’s continue today. However, this new group will be forgotten as they fade from our memory in just a few years. Their dialogue is poorly written and has already become tiresome.

Their leader’s real name is Donald Trump, but his stage name is ‘Lucifer.’

I thought “Donald” was funny and suitable but he should have kept his original surname: “Drumpf.” It was much funnier.

His band of comedians don’t have stage names; they use their real names. They are desperate to be known. They are “Little” Marco Rubio, Pete “I’m Always Drunk” Hegseth, Kristi “the Dog Killer” Noem, Linda “Big, Sweaty Men Turn Me On” McMahon, Bobby, “Just Say No to Vaccines” Kennedy, Scott “I Love Money” Bessent, and others who are not aging gracefully, showing their age as their mental acuity declines.

As I watch their failed attempts to make me laugh, I have come to the conclusion that “Lucifer” intentionally chose the worst possible list of performers to make himself appear to be “the Star.”

When Trump chose his first group of ‘incompetents’ in 2017, there were a few of his closest advisers who were somewhat qualified for their positions. I assumed that he tried, but it was impossible to find totally unqualified men and women for every position he needed to fill. I was wrong.

Today’s Keystone Cops are so pitifully unqualified, no one would hire any of them to work in a “dollar store.”

Just look at two perfect examples of how ridiculous his choices have been.

Anyone who serves as Secretary of Defense must be aware of the great responsibility he or she has accepted. He or she must be experienced and possess qualifications of a superior nature.

Pete Hegseth was a second-rate personality on a fake news network hiding its real purpose, as a right-wing propaganda machine: Fox News. Those who have been associated with him claim he is a raging alcoholic and a sexual predator. As the head of several charitable agencies focused on veterans and their families, he embezzled funds from at least one of them. What a hero.

Robert Kennedy Jr. is your Secretary of “Health and Human Services.” However, ignoring the fact that Kennedy is clearly insane, he opposes life-saving vaccinations. He continues to fire some of the best men and women involved in cancer research. He fails to have a single qualification for his position, a position which is responsible for life and death decisions. Kennedy in unable to make a decision about which species of “roadkill” he will have for dinner.

No, these new Keystone Cops may run around Washington making moronic statements and long, boring speeches, but they are far from funny.

Op-ed by James Turnage

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Source: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Keystone-Kops